People often violate the personal sovereignty of themselves or of others. They blindly follow what others tell them, or they make demands and force others to do things without consent. Why does that happen?
This is because in our society, we are taught from a very early age that the individual is not the sole sovereign on his/her life.
In childhood, parents and family members told us what we were allowed and forbidden to do. They got angry at us or imposed punishments on us if we did not obey them. Since we were dependent on their love for our very survival, we learned to obey them. We then also internalized their opinions and prohibitions as if they were our own (the parents also internalized their norms during their childhood from their own parents).
As a result, we started imposing on ourselves things we did not really want and that were not right for us (e.g. going to study some profession that was not really interesting for us, only because we were told it is prestigious or lucrative or “the right thing you should do”). When we do not or cannot live up to these expectations and rules, we feel guilt and shame, and we punish ourselves.
Sometimes, adolescents rebel against the suffocating prohibitions imposed upon them, and deliberately do the opposite of what they are told. But this is not real freedom – they are actually enslaved to the rebellion, and they are not truly free to examine and choose for themselves what is truly right and wrong for them, and make independent choices that uniquely suit who they really are.
Our family is not the only source that taught us to give up our power. Teachers in school tell us when we are “good” or “bad” students. The consumerism culture tell us through advertisements what the beauty standards are (this causes body-image complexes in lots of people, especially teenage girls). Religion adds more prohibitions and requirements. The state adds rules and demands, and in some countries expects us to sacrifice our liberty and life and obey commanding officers in the army under forced conscription. Even our own friends sometimes tell us what we should and shouldn’t do.
It is not surprising that children who learn that this is how the world operates grow up to be obedient and subservient to others, or to try to force their will on others through control and manipulations.
Exercise
How do you relate to this text? Collect examples from your life experience that relate to it.