What Is it?
When we were very young children, we felt free and comfortable to express ourselves authentically and naturally. As we grew older, many of us became more blocked and less free to be connected to our True Self and express it.
Exercise
Think of very young children you know (up to age 4). Notice a few actions or behaviors that all children exhibit, and which you currently find uncomfortable doing. For example, you might think of a child laughing wholeheartedly, or rolling around on the grass, or singing and dancing, if these are things that are difficult or impossible for you to do in certain situations. When you were a young child, you also did these things easily, and they have been blocked during your life.
What Caused the Blocking?
One cause for this blocking is imitation of other people in our surroundings. E.g. when children see that their parents are constantly passing judgment on their neighbors and on other people, they implicitly absorb these attitudes and behaviors as their own. This would create an emotional distance between them and some other people, and would make it difficult for them to create social connections even when they want to, and to feel at ease around others.
Another source of the blocking arose when our parents and teachers, as well as other children, did not accept us as we truly were, or did not allow us to be ourselves. They may have criticized us, infused us with guilt, shame, or fear, and even ridiculed us or used verbal or physical violence against us. They did not respect our personal sovereignty. (Often they did not do so out of malice but out of ignorance and fear, because that’s what they also absorbed throughout their own lives).
Here are a few examples:
- As a young child, you may have drawn a picture on a wall, simply because you did not know that this would be considered by adults as “dirtying” the wall, and that this drawing would upset them.
- You may have peeked into some box or cabinet because of your healthy natural curiosity, but an adult shouted at you not to do that.
- Maybe there was a situation when other kids laughed at you and ridiculed you for something you said or did.
- For many people, there was at least one incident in childhood that caused them to feel ashamed or guilty about their body or sexuality.
Since we were dependent on our parents’ love for survival, we gradually reduced our Self more and more in order to fit into the mold that they expected and demanded of us. We alienated ourselves from some natural parts of our personality. Even when we became seemingly free adults, these patterns continued to control us, and prevented us from becoming whole persons. This alienation from our true nature intensified because of limiting cultural norms and common conditioning that we absorbed.
Exercise
List a few incidents you remember from your childhood when you were criticized by adults for something you did which was a natural expression of yourself that did not hurt anyone. Such incidents were emotionally painful, and may have caused you to learn to limit your True Self in some ways, sometimes unconsciously. Try to also describe how these incidents affected your personality and in fact still have an effect on your beliefs and behaviors today.
What Are the Consequences of the Blocking?
The result of this self-blocking are various pathologies that are experienced to some degree by most people, including:
- Reduced self-love and self-appreciation, because of internalized self-judgment, being angry or ashamed at oneself, even ridiculing oneself.
- Reduced self-confidence and belief in one’s abilities, which may lead to narrowing our ambitions and capabilities.
- Dependence on getting love from others, which leads to destructive relationships.
- Social conformism and lack of independent critical thinking.
- Suppression of one’s emotions, which leads to addictions, depression, anxiety, and possibly physical illness.
- Diminished energy and vitality, becoming “turned off”.
For example, a person who believes there is something seriously wrong with himself will not be able to create a lasting love relationship, because he will never be able to believe that someone else can fully love him. His negative thoughts about himself (such as “I am not good enough”, “I am not capable”) will harm his ability to achieve his goals.
Exercise
List blocks which accumulated in your personality, and the negative consequences that result from these blocks.
Reconnecting with Our True Self
So what can we do to remedy this situation? Read here.